


The Value of a Venue

by JohnAmendAll



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Cake, F/M, Obscure and British Commentfest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 19:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2592746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnAmendAll/pseuds/JohnAmendAll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Glitz has got a brilliant new moneymaking idea. It's even legal this time, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Value of a Venue

**Author's Note:**

> For an Obscure and British Commentfest prompt: _Mel Bush, Sabalom Glitz, Wedding_

"You're up to something, Sabbie," Mel said, planting a good-morning kiss on her husband's cheek.

Glitz gave her a look which had deflected the suspicions of countless inquisitive policemen and customs officials. "Who, me?"

"I can tell." Mel crossed to the refrigerator and poured herself the glass of unsweetened apple juice that comprised her entire breakfast. "What's it this time?"

"Well, nothing dodgy, obviously," Glitz said, falling deftly back to his next line of defence.

"Obviously." Mel sipped her apple juice. "Because you know I'd never stand for anything like that."

"Right. This is a dead cert, all above-board. We could really make a go of this ship as a wedding venue. That's where the smart money's going, these days. Put us in synchronous orbit round the Scarlet Moon of Galthunia, set up the chairs and stuff in the astrodome, and you'd have couples lining up to tie the knot. If the novelty wears off, take the ship somewhere else and start again." He pushed a tablet computer across the table to her. "Look, here's the paperwork."

Mel took her seat and paged through several screens of legalese. "Sabbie, this is all in my name."

"Sorry, love, that's the only way it'll work. You see, owing to an unfortunate misunderstanding — before I met you, of course —"

"— You're not allowed to do business in the Galthunia system." Mel continued reading. "Hang on, you want me to do the actual marrying bit? Don't you need to be an approved registrar or a vicar or something?"

Glitz waved his hand. "Don't worry. I know this hermit on Rosway who does the right courses. Get you the certificate, no trouble."

"He's a _hermit_ and he takes courses?"

"Always useful to have a sideline."

"And it does save on hiring a proper registrar." Mel was by now absorbed in the details. "Well, I suppose it might work. But we'll have to make sure we do things properly. It'll be these people's big day, Sabbie. If we cut corners it'll ruin everything for them."

"Well, of course it's got to look all right..."

"We'll need purple drapes," Mel said firmly. "And gold leaf. And cherubs. And you can leave the publicity material to me, I'm a whizz at desktop publishing. Remember I told you I did all the posters for the Pease Pottage summer fete?"

Glitz nodded. He'd never seen the posters in question, but he could easily picture them. His wife had never seen a piece of clipart she didn't want to use, and even on something as simple as a shopping list made sure to include every font in the computer's repertoire.

"Ooh, are these the prices?" Mel went on, momentarily distracted. "You've thought it all out, haven't you? Bells extra. Singers extra. Exotic dancer extra... that had just better not be me."

"Nah," Glitz said, hastily making a few mental adjustments to his business plan. "I know a bloke who runs an agency. Exotic dancers, racing drivers, robot angels, midget butlers... you name them, he can find them."

"I was wondering why those butlers were on the list. Is there a lot of call for them?"

Glitz shrugged. "I s'pose there's got to be a market. Never had much to do with them myself."

"Photos extra," Mel went on. "Video extra. Holograms extra. These are quite expensive prices, Sabbie."

"That's the business model, love. Cheap and cheerful basics, rake it in on the extras."

"Cake extra." Mel frowned at the tablet. "I don't see how you can generate that sort of margin, unless... Sabalom Glitz! It's Hold 2, isn't it? That load of frozen cakes you can't shift. Which isn't surprising, they taste like cotton wool, only cotton wool would be more nutritious. You can't seriously expect to pass them off as _wedding cake!_ "

Glitz gave her a wry smile. "It's that or eat them all yourself."

"You know I'd never touch them with a bargepole. Ten bargepoles."

"There you are, then." Glitz's smile broadened. "So you're up for it?"

"As long as we do a dry run first, to check it out. Reaffirm our vows, against the eternal stars." Mel sighed happily, and her eyes drifted to the fanfold banner reading TWO LOVEBIRDS BUILT THIS NEST, which hung on the far wall of the room. "We'll have a full ceremony with all the extras." Her eyes narrowed. "Except the cake."

"You're sure, sweetheart?"

Mel nodded firmly. "Even true love has its limitations, Sabbie."


End file.
